The moment Ava’s voice cracked, the meeting room went silent. For the first time in three years, she disagreed—openly—with her manager.
“I actually don’t think that deadline is realistic,” she said, trying to steady her breath. “We’re already stretched, and if we don’t say that now, we’ll burn out by Friday.”
No one pushed back. In fact, a few heads nodded.
But Ava didn’t feel triumphant. She felt shaky. Like she’d just stepped off a cliff. She also felt something else she hadn’t felt in a long time—real.
When Niceness Becomes a Disguise
Ava had always been “the nice one.” In every office, every group chat, every family dinner, she was the cushion people leaned on. She helped. She agreed. She smoothed things over.
But lately, her niceness felt less like generosity and more like erosion. Little pieces of herself chipped away each time she said “sure” instead of “I’m not okay with that.”
Psychologist Dr. Julie Exline of Case Western Reserve University has studied this tendency—what she calls “moral self-sacrifice.” It’s when people over-give, over-agree, or over-accommodate to maintain peace. The short-term harmony comes at a long-term cost: anxiety, resentment, and emotional fatigue.
Ava had all three.
The Myth of Being Easy to Work With
Society rewards agreeableness. You’re labeled “a team player.” You’re seen as low-maintenance. You rarely rock the boat.
But as author and psychotherapist Nedra Glover Tawwab puts it: “You can’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm.”
Assertiveness is not aggression. It’s clarity. It’s the decision to stop performing a version of yourself and start being the real one—even if it risks discomfort.
Spiritual Wisdom: Voice as Selfhood
In yogic philosophy, the throat chakra—Vishuddha—is the center of expression. It governs communication, but more importantly, truth. A blocked throat chakra isn’t just about stifled speech. It’s about a self that doesn’t feel safe to be known.
Spiritual teacher Caroline Myss once said, “Your biography becomes your biology.” When we consistently suppress what we need to say, the body remembers. The tension shows up in clenched jaws, shallow breaths, headaches.
Sometimes healing starts with one true sentence.
Ava’s Quiet Revolution
That meeting didn’t make Ava loud. She didn’t become a firebrand overnight. But something shifted. She paused longer before replying “sure.” She started saying, “I’ll need time to think.” She asked for help.
And slowly, the people around her adjusted—not because she changed, but because she stopped shrinking.
Assertiveness, she realized, isn’t about volume. It’s about alignment. It’s when your inner yes finally matches your outer one. And your no, when needed, is said with love—but without apology.
How to Begin Again
- Start small. Say no to things that don’t matter, so you can say yes when it does.
- Use the pause. Silence before speaking gives you time to check in with yourself.
- Don’t explain too much. “No, thank you” is a full sentence.
- Remember: it’s okay if others are disappointed. That doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong.
- Rebuild trust with yourself. Every act of honest speech restores the relationship between who you are and who you show the world.